Are any of you burnt out?
I can't seem to motivate myself to do any of my schoolwork until the absolute deadline, without doing the readings/homework. It's not interesting at all and has no relevance to any career that I may have or anything even tertiarily related to any of my skills. To be honest, I can hardly take it. I'd rather do literally anything. If I was a construction worker, I'd at least get some exercise, see the product of my labor, and see a livable paycheck at the end of the week. I could even work overtime and start saving.
Like many, when I my work isn't even painful enough to feel like a challenge or has nothing to be solved or nothing to be proud of (even the grades are irrelevant at this point), I just can never seem to motivate myself to do any of it until the last minute. Like... you remember in fight club, how the guy says that work is basically so monotonous, feminized, and disconnected from reality that it just sucks his soul right out? That's how school feels. I love the adrenaline of a long-distance (by my standards) jog, hell I'd even pay to be able to get dragged out to sea again, just for the sake of skin-in-the-game and a challenge. This dread (in the literal sense) just makes me wanna disappear. I watch youtube videos, browse websites, and do all this inane shit I don't care about, just to hide for seconds, hours, and days away from my Danaid-labor. Yeah, it's easy to imagine Sisyphus happy, but what about the Danaids? At least Sisyphus reaches the top.
I don't even see my irl friends very often anymore. One I considered my best friend and I haven't seen that person--not really--in ages. I wanna stop. I'd take $10/hour paving the sidewalks ffs. I really have no idea how I'm gonna finish my final projects. Oh people say "Don't worry, anon, you'll get it done! It will all be over soon." But it can't be over soon enough, and I don't know if I can hold out that long.
